Yes, you must arm yourself when heading into the world that is coparenting. Honestly, it's not even called coparenting, it's called, "let's see who is the better parent and try and shove the other one out."
Arming yourself with some vital tools will help you cope, or at least not want to commit first degree murder.
Tool #1: Low expectations
Don't go into coparenting thinking you will have a perfect relationship with your ex, that everything will be rainbows and unicorns. The reality is that the lower your expectations are, the less chance you have to be disappointed when your ex calls you telling you that you are a bitch and are a terrible mother. Knowing that this kind of bullshit will happen and to expect nothing less will help to not let it bother you so much, or at least remind you why you are not longer married. (If you were doubting it…)
Tool #2: Thick Skin
There are gonna be days where you are called every name in the book, where your kids cry because of their dads hatred towards you, where your family calls you begging you to stop being stubborn and give the abuser another chance, etc… You will feel like shit, you will recite the mantra "sticks and stones" without really believing it. You MUST believe it. What anyone says to you is not your truth, you know what and who you are and that's a damn good mom!
Tool #3: Therapy
No kidding, this is so important. The hell you went through when married was only the start. You need healing, you need skills to cope, and you need this to be able to navigate the next 18 years of your life. It's not something you can do on your own, believe me, I tried and failed and now I am trying to do damage control. This man controlled you for so long, get help. And while you're at it, get your kids one too.
Tool #4: A tribe
Yup, a tribe of people that you can go to (for free) day or night that will talk you off the ledge when you've received another 25 attacking emails in the span of 10 min from your ex and you just want to throw in the towel because you don't know how you will handle the next 18 years of this. These types of people are those that are going through what you are or have done it already. They can be Facebook friends, support group, church members, anyone really as long as they understand and support you whole heartedly. This is especially important if you do not have family support, do NOT go through this alone.
I could honestly go on and on and probably will over the course of this blog. I honestly don't know where I want to go with all of this other than to get my thoughts out somehow.