Coparenting is not for the weak, so arm yourself

Yes, you must arm yourself when heading into the world that is coparenting. Honestly, it's not even called coparenting, it's called, "let's see who is the better parent and try and shove the other one out."

Arming yourself with some vital tools will help you cope, or at least not want to commit first degree murder.

Tool #1: Low expectations
Don't go into coparenting thinking you will have a perfect relationship with your ex, that everything will be rainbows and unicorns. The reality is that the lower your expectations are, the less chance you have to be disappointed when your ex calls you telling you that you are a bitch and are a terrible mother. Knowing that this kind of bullshit will happen and to expect nothing less will help to not let it bother you so much, or at least remind you why you are not longer married. (If you were doubting it…)

Tool #2: Thick Skin
There are gonna be days where you are called every name in the book, where your kids cry because of their dads hatred towards you, where your family calls you begging you to stop being stubborn and give the abuser another chance, etc… You will feel like shit, you will recite the mantra "sticks and stones" without really believing it. You MUST believe it. What anyone says to you is not your truth, you know what and who you are and that's a damn good mom!

Tool #3: Therapy
No kidding, this is so important. The hell you went through when married was only the start. You need healing, you need skills to cope, and you need this to be able to navigate the next 18 years of your life. It's not something you can do on your own, believe me, I tried and failed and now I am trying to do damage control. This man controlled you for so long, get help. And while you're at it, get your kids one too.

Tool #4: A tribe
Yup, a tribe of people that you can go to (for free) day or night that will talk you off the ledge when you've received another 25 attacking emails in the span of 10 min from your ex and you just want to throw in the towel because you don't know how you will handle the next 18 years of this. These types of people are those that are going through what you are or have done it already. They can be Facebook friends, support group, church members, anyone really as long as they understand and support you whole heartedly. This is especially important if you do not have family support, do NOT go through this alone.

I could honestly go on and on and probably will over the course of this blog. I honestly don't know where I want to go with all of this other than to get my thoughts out somehow.

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Divorce Sucks Ass

Well, as my first post alluded to, my once happy family of 4 was no longer.

I made the very difficult decision to leave with my kids, my ex was an extreme narcissistic man who was diagnosed bipolar as well and I felt we could no longer coexist as husband and wife. I also could no longer handle the extreme moods and temper of a man I was supposed to love as my husband and father to our children.

Walking on eggshells day in and day out never knowing what type of man was coming home that day, hiding in the bedroom with our kids because he was raging and I was afraid he would hurt them, ducking when he would throw the remote or other objects at my head, dodging the punches he would throw at the doors and cupboards, etc…staying for the sake of the children was doing no favors for any of us so I left.

Call me a coward, call me selfish, call me whatever names you want, I did what I felt was best for our children and would do it all over again.

What I failed to think about at the time was just how difficult divorce and the subsequent co-parenting would become.

I never thought the level of hate and anger from a man who used to love me would reach such epic levels that he would call me a slut in front of our kids and family, that he would turn everyone including my own family against me with his lies and manipulations, that I would relinquish any control I had left to just get him to leave me alone.

And that's just the tip of the epic shit show I was about to go through…and I will apologize ahead of time if it seems disjointed. I've never written about my hell before and since I am currently in therapy being treated for C-PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder, I felt now was as good a time as any to get out my thoughts and feelings and maybe, just maybe help someone else to feel like they aren't alone in their misery.

The Beginning

Anxiety, with parenthood comes anxiety. It's a given! Heck, you've been given this helpless little life to take care of and it doesn't come with instructions.

So what do you do?

You worry…
And worry some more….
And just when you think you can't worry more than you already do, life throws a curveball at you.

Divorce, coparenting, shared custody…

All the things you didn't even think to worry about when that precious child came into the world. You thought the perfect family was your forever.

Little did you know that God had other plans for you 😪

To be continued…

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